Helping Out

A Better Choice than`I Should’

/ still a dreamer / 4 Comments

Ever noticed how often you say `I should’? Those two words negatively imply that you have already failed to do something you need, want, or don’t want to do. Flip it. Mentally cross out `I should’ and replace it with one of the choices offered.

If you make a consistent effort, you’ll notice 1) how often you are saying `I should’, and 2) an improved feeling of positivity in how you approach things.

Frequently using the words `I should’, is often the sign of having identified with and incorporated a figure in our past who criticized us. This person likely needed control over a situation, and was rarely happy with how we went about things in that it wasn’t the way they wanted it done. Thus, we ‘should’ do it some other way, at some different time, etc.

As children, we incorporate those sentiments and those words, and grow up criticizing ourselves over often meaningless things. The fact is that the one who did the criticizing was likely treated the same way, and didn’t have the skills or knowledge in raising us to approach things in better and more helpful ways.

It’s also true that we don’t have to continue criticizing ourselves. We can change, and flipping the switch – substituting positive words such as those above – is a surprisingly simple way to begin seeing ourselves and others in a more positive light. Be diligent!

The Spirit of Giving

/ still a dreamer / 10 Comments

If there is one thing that is always true it is that everything always changes. I have had holidays so filled with the presence of people, dogs (when I did rescue), and other animals, that I barely had a minute to myself. And then I’ve had quieter ones, which is where I am now.

In the New Year, I will be losing a decent chunk of my second floor, as it is going to be annexed to the adjoining house next door. I can’t say I’m happy about losing this space, but there have been some unexpected upsides. One is that I am being forced to purge and clear out a good amount of belongings and furniture.

Ultimately, that means clearing out items from every area of the house, including the basement, as I sort what I want and don’t want and find new places for the “good stuff” to go. Several large Christmas boxes have been in the basement, never opened since I moved here – no time, no full-size tree. I’ve had/have furniture that I have no deep attachment to anymore. So why do I have it? I’m used to it being there.

Drawers/closets need to be gone through and sorted to make room for what I’m keeping. But here’s the other upside. I was alerted to a small, hyper-local organization called Buy Nothing that serves only my town and the town adjacent. It is a Facebook site purely for gifting things we don’t want or need that others might use or appreciate. In addition to #gift, you can also #ask if there’s something you are looking for.

Here’s how that’s working. The ornaments were requested by a desperate family who were unable to find what had happened to their own ornaments. When they picked up the box, they left a jar of homemade candied jalapenos in its place. The sheet music was requested by a mom who, along with her husband and son, plays piano and is eager to try some of the classics. The organizer (never used) was requested by several women to help them get 2024 together. And so on.

But what’s particularly lovely is how eager our local residents are to help one another. The beautiful gnome bread above was baked just to give away to someone who would like it. Another baker had sourdough starter to offer, and was rewarded by a photo of the recipient’s first sourdough loaf ever.

This makes a quiet Christmas such a different experience. I will miss the space, but am happy to not have so many things that I no longer need or care about. I sometimes feel a little lonely this year, but I know that I am surrounded by many more caring people than I ever suspected. I believe this is the spirit of love and giving at its best.

Happy Christmas, Hanukah, or whatever holiday you celebrate. May the spirit of love and giving be yours.

Time Passes ….

/ still a dreamer / 11 Comments

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to write when a month or two has passed. It’s not that I don’t have something to say – I am never at a loss for words – maybe how much to say? Or how to put it?

I’m moving into a new phase of my life. It began last November when I chose to leave the organization and work that I have done for over three decades. It was the right time and the right choice for me. I am grateful for the opportunity to have saved many thousands of lives and raised many millions of donation dollars for this organization. It was wonderful. But now, I have other things to do.

Almost all work in my life has involved healing others, whether humans or animals. I believe it’s why I’m here. I recently spent a period of time needing to take care of and healing myself after some medical procedures and the accompanying stress, but I feel myself pulling away from that period now and re-focusing on where I’m going.

In a sense, it’s a question of `what do I want to do/be when I grow up?’ from a whole new perspective. It’s challenging and occasionally a little frightening, but I feel myself, from someplace deep inside, starting to gather strength. And I am seeing myself unfolding in ways that would not have been possible those three decades ago. And it’s all good.

My first children’s book is now released, and I will be promoting that and hopefully, meeting lots of excited kids and more. I am soon starting some workshops in helping people self-publish, and plan on advancing other graphics skills I have to help people. How this will all come together is still unknown, but I trust it will be exactly as it should be.

One gift I have been given and which inspires me is, believe it or not, Instagram. I am an artist, but also a photographer, and have loved taking pictures all my life. Now I have the opportunity to be yet more inspired and post my images. All my life, I have also loved music, and over the last 7-8 months or so, this has been expanded immensely. And for a major portion of my life, I have loved going to museums, and recently I have been inspired to get out more, once again, and see art, which feeds my soul. And to do my own art, however that seems to be making itself known, and surprising me as much as anyone.

Some days feel a little shaky, occasionally outright scary, but others are just glowing with promise. All is well.

Change

/ still a dreamer / 13 Comments

Sometimes change is imposed from without, and outside our control. Our best bet can be to adapt our thoughts and feelings and make the most of it. Sometimes change is completely self-motivated and filled with all the fear and exhilaration that a major shift can bring. And oftentimes, it’s a combination of both.

Change can happen in a moment or evolve over time. Such has been the case in my life where I have recently decided to end a decades-long relationship with a client, who, in all reality, was more like an extended family in many ways. Numerous endeavors of my own have been waiting in the wings to grow and flower, but have always taken a back seat to the immediate demands of fundraising, design, writing, getting to press, and so on. Not to complain. Doing all this on behalf of animals has been an incredibly rich part of my life.

But then things change. New people, new thoughts. Out with the old, in with the new. And change doesn’t always seem the best, especially if we feel differently as to how it deals with a cause that has been near and dear to our hearts. And especially when all these other ideas and wishes and dreams of one’s own have been clamoring for expression, or at least, more of it.

And so change challenges us, heals us, pushes us to take the steps to grow. In my case, to write, to draw, to help new people to grow and change, too. It can all seem to be happening at once, but in the end, we are bright and new, even if a little shaky on our newfound legs.

It seems that the daily advice on my Wayne Dyer desk calendar has been speaking to me. On November 5th, he said, “Go beyond the ideas of succeeding and failing — these are the judgments. Stay in the process and allow the universe to handle the details.” I couldn’t have been given better advice.

The Walk After Hurricane Ida

/ still a dreamer / 17 Comments

Hurricane Ida, Sept. 1, 2021, had devastating effects on many parts of this country, my state of New Jersey, my county, and my little town. From the flash flooding of our local creek and the 10″ of water that fell in 3-4 hours on already soaked land, our little downtown was under water up to a man’s waist.

I am deeply grateful that my house did not take on water, and after a few falters, the power stayed on. Friday, I wanted to take a walk and see what the Delaware looked like and how some small part of my little town had fared.

The day was bright and sunny, and everything looked as if there had never been a devastating storm barely over a day ago. Gardens were overflowing with perennials of every kind and looking lovely. Our area isn’t real big on formal landscaping, just filled with life. I felt relieved.

Through the trees, you could glimpse the river, a sunlit brown and green, rushing downstream.

Flowers and plants were in full bloom, edging quietly towards fall.

There was such a profusion of life; I could hardly imagine the destruction that I’d seen on the news of so many areas not that far from where I live.

A cover of stormy grey clouds provided a momentary canopy over the Delaware River. The water had reached 8′ above flood stage just the morning before, and even though receding, it had enveloped tree trunks all along its banks. And still, as always, it was stunning.

A shallow shoreline of stones where the tree roots were always visible, gone.

An abundance of sweet-smelling honeysuckle climbing over everything. With the brilliant blue sky behind, it seemed some sort of miracle.

Snowball hydrangea changing into their late summer green phase still evidenced some fresh white blooms, in denial of the coming fall, and the crisp, dry temperatures.

When these cataclysmic events happen, we can easily get overwhelmed with the news, with the images of destruction, knowing in our hearts how much people are suffering in the face of life-changing events … in some cases, the loss of loved ones. I didn’t go into town, not knowing what I might find. And what could I do? So I remained in gratitude for the safety with which I and most of my town had been graced. And tried to find the balance in beauty.

Hoping this finds you all safe and well.