Photography

On Being Vulnerable

/ still a dreamer / 4 Comments

There are still many outdated ideas running around that to be vulnerable is to be weak, and in this country, at least, especially if you’re a male. The truth of the matter is that to let our guard down and let someone in, or to truly open up to our own creativity and inner light … to be vulnerable … takes courage. That’s not weak — it’s brave.

And it takes trust, trust that we won’t be hurt, that we won’t fail, that we won’t find ourselves incapable of meeting the task at hand, whatever it might be.

As a visual artist, I find being vulnerable extremely challenging. As a writer, I am somewhow able to put my heart and soul into words, whether writing for myself, or as I did for over three decades, writing fundraising appeals for literally thousands of abused and neglected animals. I had only to look at their pain, and the words flowed. And our donors could feel what these animals suffered through my words, and helped support their healing and care.

Art? That takes digging deeper. I find myself in a daily dance of desire and resistance. What do you — what do we — find so frightening about pulling forth our art, in whatever form, from the depths of our being? Of laying it out in front of no one’s eyes but our own?

Being vulnerable, even to ourselves, can be a challenge. Finding the beautiful light within and letting it shine brilliantly is so important. The world needs us.

Walking Jazzy Home

/ still a dreamer / 12 Comments

We walked together for so many years – she, the Princess, and me, her happy minion – until the day when I walked her home. R.I. P. Jazzy – 7/12/24 – a small art treasure in feline form.

There is never a “good time” or a “good way” to lose an animal you love. It’s always awful. I think one of the worst moments is when you come home, and the spot they always sat to welcome you has no one there.

I adopted Jazzy at 3 years old, back in August, 2013, a few weeks after my handsome Claude passed over. She was a featured kitty at my local pet food shop, looking for a home, and she found mine. She had lived with an elderly man, who, I surmised, had not handled her very much. After getting through an adjustment period, she was not the cuddly cat my previous cats had been, albeit adorable.

Over the years that followed, she became increasingly affectionate, though I can say, she was the most dominant cat I have ever had. It was “her way or the highway” in kitty form – a picky eater, wouldn’t use a hooded litter box, and was pretty sure that I should plan meals and any other activities around her whims. Luckily, she was also sweet and charming, and now cuddly.

Perhaps a year or two ago, her glucose was high; we successfully controlled it with a special diet. Then her thyroid became hyperactive – more meds, which she was very cooperative in taking. Things kept moving along pretty well until about 6+ weeks ago, when she began caterwauling one or two times in the middle of the night.

I followed through with all needed lab tests, but they revealed nothing abnormal. Essentially, she was in good health, except somewhere inside her, she wasn’t. This past Friday, 7/12/2024, I noticed Jazzy acting strangely. I rushed her to the vet, and it soon became apparent, there was only going to be one ending to this story.

I am always grateful that I have been able to see something going wrong and to be able to do something about it before it became too late. I am grateful that there has always been a vet to help my animals in their final moments on Earth. I am also always grateful that I have been able to hold my animals in my arms, and help them pass over peacefully, loved until the end. I am grateful for Jazzy, and all the sweetness and light she brought into my life. I don’t think I could ask for more.

Childhood

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People, from time to time, have said that they don’t believe they have ever seen me in a skirt. Alright, then.

Some thoughts on childhood …

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” —Neil Postman

“Children see magic because they look for it.” —Christopher Moore

“Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” —Walt Disney

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” —Dr. Seuss

“Some days I wish I could go back to my childhood. Not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.” — Anonymous

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” –  Berkeley Breathed

Photo credit: My Dad

Pick Me!

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Here’s Benny! Benny is the hero of one of my picture books, a resourceful little boy who loves evrything about bugs. Above is a cropped part of one of five illustrations that I have submitted for consideration to be included in a children’s book conference in October. I also created a 3-D and digital dummy of another one of my picture books.

All my materials are in, and now I wait till August to see if I have been selected. Seats are limited, but the opportunity to meet for 45 minutes with an editor or agent specifically matched to my talents and abilities, plus other kidlt activities and speakers during the day, is a great one. Here’s hoping …

Self-Discipline Is Self-Care

/ still a dreamer / 2 Comments

The word ‘deadlines’ has gotten a bad reputation, perhaps because in many circumstances, they are imposed from without. But when we set up our own, deadlines really are a form of self-care.

Without deadlines, we can be at the mercy of our emotions and lose valuable time. Not the kind of deadlines that make us crazy, but reasonable time frames to help us accomplish our goals.

There have been times in my life where I have elevated procrastination to the level of high art. And while I can be very creative in how I avoid facing certain tasks, in the end, it only makes me feel less accomplished and less successful, as they still sit patiently waiting for me.

In my experience, procrastination around my creative work always boils down to fear – fear that it won’t be “good enough”, that I won’t be able to execute what I am envisioning, that I could have done more. There are so many things wrong with those thoughts. The bottom line is that we all still feel better when we do what we need to do.

That’s why looking at deadlines/self-discipline in a different way makes so much more sense. Striving to set and meet goals means loving ourselves more. And not to be trite, but we’re worth it.

I still may struggle at times, but deadlines=loving myself is where I’m headed. How about you?