Lists

You know that feeling of being all over the place? Yeah. That’s where I am. There are so many things that I both need to do and want to do (not necessarily the same things), and I feel like I’m in the center of the room, spinning, not knowing which way to go.

A fellow writerly blogger, Pam, just did a clever post on her blog, roughwighting, which weaves the titles of many of the books she’s read this past year into a coherent story. Then she lists allllll the books she’s read. Talk about intimidating! What have I been doing with myself in 2023 that I haven’t read that many?? (Please cue the self-pity.)

She asks what is the best book we’ve read in 2023, and at least I can answer that one – The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman. It expanded my list of my 6 favorite novels of all time to 7. But back to the spinning ….

Many, many things need to be done to get my show on the road to both fulfill my dreams and make a living – that’s my actual workload. Love it all, but a big chunk of my time.

I want to read my current book, Educated by Tara Westover. Also the two non-fiction I’m reading, The Creative Act by Rick Rubin and Sensitive is the New Strong by Anita Moorjani. I want to listen to more music, and keep watching the Kdrama I’m really enjoying, Itaewon Class

But I feel like baking chocolate chip cookies. And I’ve been thinking of trying the faux tuna I bought in a tuna-noodle casserole and need to find a recipe.

And I have still more sorting and purging to do of belongings, art, and furniture in the back bedroom I’m losing to it being annexed to next door, and need to find homes for it all, a consuming task.

I need to start drawing for my own book. I want to update a manuscript or two to send to publishers.

A bit more snow shoveling to do. Maybe tomorrow, some nice photos of the recent snowfall. (Above is an earlier snow shot.) And a quick run out to get fresh eggs.

I do make lists, but I think we sometimes have to sit ourselves down and remind ourselves that we really are one person, forgive ourselves for not being super-human. Stop spinning. Take the deep breath we need to take. And breathe. Just breathe.

Lists were once my steadfast friends. They stood by me through thick and thin, kept me organized and on track, and confident that everything was going smoothly. And then they took a turn, and could, I found, be my worst critics, leading me to wonder if I was failing.

I’ve always had two different list pads. The one you see on the left takes myriad forms and appearances. What I list there is still enormously useful – food shopping and cleaning tasks go there, as well as my daily to-do list for work. As my work has me often jumping back and forth between different projects and/or different clients, a list makes sure I cover everything and get done what needs to be done in a timely manner. Those lists are still my friends.

It’s the one on the right that had become suspect. I absolutely love this list pad – given to me by a friend who has always believed in me, it simply says “FOLLOW YOUR PATH.” It’s where I have always listed my personal creative goals – my writing and illustrating of children’s books; growing my shop and business on Etsy which features my French Bulldog art; updating and writing my current website and blogs; expanding a social media presence, etc., etc. Needless to say, all of these involve a multitude of tasks and effort. So I started making lists on this pad of all the things I need to do.

It was the first time a list ever turned on me, taunted me, left me feeling like I might be failing. Whenever I looked at that list, it made me wonder how would I ever possibly get where I wanted to go? And then I decided to not write any of it down. After all, who knows better than I what needs to be done?

I decided to go for a kinder and gentler use of that lovely pad. Now I consider the time I have, and the task(s) I most need and want to get done and can accomplish in that time, and chunk it down into do-able steps. The fact is, neither I – nor you – can do everything at once, and for this we need to forgive ourselves while still doing what we CAN do. We can assess our goals; make sure we have our priorities straight; and then make a plan to get there.

And so my list became my friend again.