Author: still a dreamer

Remember to Bring the Camera

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Yesterday was my day to go to my accountant. It’s about a 45 minute drive, and as any 45 minute drive in this part of the state will assure you, there were many beautiful vistas of farmland, woods, ponds, small towns, etc. I hadn’t expected the lovely fog I encountered, the mist lying low on acres of land threaded with rows of trees. I really need to remember to bring my camera.

The land is just so beautiful in all seasons, and although I may have been late by a moment or two, I would have loved to capture some of yesterday morning’s soft edges. Years ago, when I was in art school we had an ongoing assignment – always have your sketchbook with you. When that morphed into my majoring in photography, the assignment was to always have your camera with you. It was meant to keep our artistic tools as integral parts of our lives, and is something that fell by the wayside. It would be a good habit to revive. Both, actually … my sketchbook and my camera.

So having failed to capture any of the lovely scenery I passed yesterday, and unable to photograph the goodies I picked up from the Italian bakery in my accountant’s town, (because I ate them), I have included a photo I took of the Delaware in the fall, taken from the almost-PA side of the bridge.

Tomorrow they’re predicting rain, but I’ll be in a quaint town, and who knows where a photo may be waiting.

Loving Is Easy, Loving Is Hard

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Falling in love is always the easy part. Then it gets complicated. Why? Because “the other” has their own ways, their own ideas, their own habits, their own fears.

It doesn’t matter if “the other” is human or animal; no matter how hard we try, we cannot help but bring our own hopes, expectations, ideas, habits and fears to the table. Case in point – an animal one – elsewhere on this blog, I have mentioned that I feed a small feral cat with tuxedo markings whom I’ve named Little Fee. He’s been coming around since he was 9 months old or so, and that was the summer of 2009. He comes like clockwork for breakfast and dinner, and snacks in between from the bowl on my back porch when not chased away by one of the cats next door.

If not waiting for me on the back porch, he comes to his name when called. Yet he is extremely fearful and will not be touched or approached. He has never been missing for more than 2 days, and that was only after severe snowstorms. But now he is missing 2-1/2 days. What has happened to him?

The scenarios for a feral cat are … 1) Hit by a car  2) attacked by another animal  3) injured and laying low somewhere while healing  4) accidentally trapped in a shed, garage, etc.  5) poisoned  6) trapped by a human and removed with any number of intentions – to be neutered and returned, taken to the local shelter and/or to be killed. None but one of them are good. And there is nothing I can really do about any of them.

One of the things about loving another – be it human or animal – is that it is always fraught with risk.  Perhaps the greatest risk is giving up control, for it is the one thing we cannot have when another being is involved, or at least not without potential harm to ourselves or them. And one of the things about loving and caring for a feral cat, I see, is that I have no control at all.

And still we, in all our yearning humanity, risk loving again and again, knowing that we cannot control much … only our own thoughts, really. We can offer the best of ourselves to another being, offer our love, and then it’s out of our hands.

As for me, I keep intermittent vigil at my back door … watching and hoping … hoping my voice, my love, can bring this small being back and help heal him, if needed; hoping he’s not gone forever.

UPDATE, MARCH 1 –

The Fee has returned! In one of my porch checks late last night there he was, looking none the worse for wear, a bit hungry, and happy to be fed. Breathing easier at last.

Taking the Easy Read

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Have you had times in your life when you just couldn’t get through a book? No focus, no attention, but somewhere inside still longing to read? I think we all have, and as one who loves reading, I find it quite disconcerting, but there it is.

Difficult times are just a part of life, and for months there have been a bit more in my own than I’d like. During this time, I switched from book to book, but couldn’t really focus. So I returned to my ever-faithful and always-waiting selection of unread books, hoping to find the one that would ease me back into reading. And I found it, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. I checked out all the quickie reviews, and this seems like the book for me – a love story that will engage me but not rip my heart out, that will entertain me without boring me. It’s taking the easy read, but I believe it will hit the spot right now.

And then … much like baking muffins for myself in broad daylight … I did what I really needed, (and wanted). to do. I gave myself the gift of curling up in a chair in the afternoon sun and I began to read Dear John. The cats take this sunshine-seeking in stride; they find the brightest spot of light, position themselves for maximum exposure, and luxuriate in the warmth. I decided to do the same. The dust, the vacuuming, the laundry … it’s not going anywhere.

We need to give ourselves these small gifts, whatever they may be. They make us feel whole. And happy. Why not give yourself a gift today?

Listen to Your Heart

/ still a dreamer

This is another beautiful piece of music by the incomparable Mike Rowland, which accompanies a touching film of Emperor Penguins by Ruedi & Priska Abbühl. The music might be classified as New Age or meditation music if that helps you know if you’d like to listen. But the combination of these magnificent animals, so sensitively filmed, with Mike Rowlands music is, well… for me, just heaven … right to the wonderful end — you’ll just have to watch and see.

While working, I listen to music – often iTunes. Today, under the Ambient category in iTunes I listened to a French station – Frequences Relaxation – Music therapy to relax mind, body and spirit. And that it did. Along the way, they played a piece by Mike Rowland and I thought you would enjoy it; I hope you do. I find his music calming and centering. Along these lines, I posted a piece of his work not too long ago,  Enchanted, which also features simply magical visuals.

A Teensy Sign

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You know how when you’re really busy and/or distracted and/or not feeling 100%, (or whatever), something can happen and you shrug it off, chalk it up to “it couldn’t be helped?” But then the next day you’re kind of bummed about it?

Well, after running around on Saturday, I was pretty tired at night, so decided to leave my front earrings in, no big deal. Didn’t bother even checking them. Small studs rarely come out overnight. Except … I woke up Sunday morning, and one of them, indeed, was missing. I did a search of the likely places it could have gone, and then, just chalked it up to “whatever.”

But as the day wore on, I was bummed about it. They are these cool little Celtic knots, and had become my “go-to” earrings when I couldn’t decide what to put in my ears, or needed something simple to complement a busy shirt or scarf … my back-up earrings. Damn. Now I was really bummed at the prospect of never having them to wear again. Who knows when or where I got them? OK, so be it. Life goes on; this is the small stuff.

So now it’s Monday morning, a boatload of stuff to do, and I lean over to see how the stain on my “Berber” living room carpet is coming along – the cat vomit one I had Nature-Miracled to death – and there’s the earring, hiding in plain sight. I still find it bizarre how such a tiny thing – quite literally, too – can so brighten a day; I was grinning from ear to ear, and felt like I ought to be thanking somebody. Was I just plain lucky? (Since I don’t believe in coincidences, I tend to doubt that.) I could go on with my own personal conjectures, but I won’t. What it seemed like to me – as these seemingly insignificant instances in all our lives can be – was that it was a sign – a teensy one – that all was well.

And you know what? I’ll take it.