While You Were Dying

February 5, 2012February 5, 2012 / still a dreamer / 4 Comments

In Memory of Kathy – 1/31/1942 – 2/2/2012

While you were dying,
my wings were open.
the empty breeze whistled through,
an exhalation of sorrow,
and I, half frozen,
watched the clouds, the rain, the moon
go by for days.
They took no notice of me
hovering in place.

I fed the cats and swept the stairs
Got the mail, ran laundry through
Got dishes washed, paid the bills
Answered e-mails, watched TV,
All while you were dying.

Though miles away
I held you close and we
laughed at life
in all its beauty and contrariness.
Why should now be different?
I watched your angels
light the way,
knowing
their wings would soon enfold you.
I held my breath
while you were gently dying.

And then …

A light within the light.
Unanticipated joy.
You, luminous.
And me,
Wings beating,
Soaring
in love,
remembering,
and remembering,
dear friend,
that you
were never dying.

Jeanne Balsam
February 3, 2012

The Sistine Chapel in 360˚

January 30, 2012 / still a dreamer / 2 Comments

Here’s a little treat for you. In my restless state, I was revisiting some places on the web I particularly enjoyed, and this is one of them.

Have you ever been to see the Sistine Chapel? I have not, but would love to. If you would, too, then take a look at this fabulous web site where you can view the entire Sistine Chapel in 360 glorious degrees. Your cursor will move the chapel in any direction, and you can also zoom in on any detail. Perhaps one of the most wonderful features of the site is the sacred music that is playing in the background. I was working earlier, (after I’d taken my tour), and just listening to the music while I worked.

This may be the closest I … or you … ever get to this miraculous piece of art. Hope you are inspired …

Accepting Now

January 15, 2012 / still a dreamer

I’m always a big fan of good quotes, and this one came up on my metaphysical flip calendar on Friday.

“You cannot live on earth and avoid lessons; but you can learn them easily and with joy rather than struggle.” – Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer.

I’m thinking that learning them easily and with joy IS a big lesson no? I’ve been observing and talking to others and thinking about my own experiences, and realizing how much of our stress and anxiety is attached to outcomes, i.e. our having a lot invested in our own expectations coming to pass. Sometimes our expectations are based on “reality” and are reasonable. But sometimes they’re really what we want to happen. Or not to happen. In the latter two cases, the result is the same; we are not living in the present world of possibilities or accepting what is and we become messy balls of anxiety.

So in accepting the not-knowing, it might seem like we’re spending our lives walking on a tightrope of uncertainty, and in a way, I suppose we are. But if we believe that there is a reason why things happen, whether we can see it or not, that there may be a bigger picture that we don’t know about, or a lesson we have yet to discern, then the tightrope has an infinite safety net. We’re really always OK. It’s our own attachment to outcomes that prevents us from walking that sparkling tightrope called life with confidence and perfect balance. And leaping with joy. Yes!

Accepting Now and being grateful for all we have in this moment, can bring us joy and help us learn our lessons without struggle. It can be a challenge. I’m right on the journey’s path with the rest of you, trying to grasp the lesson a little better, on a deeper level each time, and coming back to joy. Happy travels.

Always A Bright Spot

January 10, 2012January 10, 2012 / still a dreamer / 1 Comment

They say every cloud has a silver lining, that even in our darkest moments there is always a bright spot. Having recently lost an animal so very dear to my heart, I wasn’t seeing too many bright spots just yet. Some unanticipated glimmers here and there, but that was about it.

Who would have thought that my bright spot would truly BE a bright spot? I happened to glance out my side door earlier this morning, and there he was … a veritable bright spot of red among the drab winter bushes. I grabbed my camera and, figuring the male Cardinal would fly away if I opened the door, took him through my window, but with a screen, I knew I was kidding myself. Ever so slowly, I opened the inner door and then the storm door, and eased out on the porch. There he stayed while I photographed him. Again and again.

I felt as if he knew I needed a bright spot in my day and had decided to indulge me until I got the shot I wanted. I believe animals communicate with us and are far more in tune than we give them credit for, and today, he had a small, joyful message to bring. Above you see him, not nearly as vibrant as he looked in reality, but brilliant nonetheless. A small blessing, a reminder, of how many bright spots we have in our lives. Even if we don’t always see them.

As 2011 Slips Quietly Away …

December 31, 2011December 31, 2011 / still a dreamer / 2 Comments

Some people are undoubtedly getting ready for a night out this evening; others are spending it quietly at home. For some the year goes out with much ado, for others a New Year softly beckons. As I sit and listen to the album Kindred by Kevin Wood, one of my favorites, I find myself simply looking forward to a bit of reflection … how to move towards some of my goals in the coming year, difficult choices that may need to be made, things that have transpired over the last year, and others to which I look forward in the coming year. Nothing especially profound or any different from what you might be thinking.