Finding Ourselves

December 22, 2012December 22, 2012 / still a dreamer / 2 Comments

Unwrapped Christmas gifts are calling, laundry’s going, and a million other things are turning in my head. How about you? It occurred to me quite some time ago that if it weren’t for women, there would be no Christmas, no Thanksgiving, no birthday celebrations, no parties celebrating milestones in someone’s life … we sure do keep it all going. But I digress.

Either life looked simpler when we were growing up or our mothers were masters at hiding the juggling acts we now perform nearly 24/7. I opt for the former. There is always so much going on, so many demands, that one of the first things to get lost is us … ourselves. As regular readers of this blog know, there are always 2 books to the right. A novel, (usually), and below it a book that provides me with some sort of inspiration for the current time in my life. Sometimes we need some enlightenment … some guidance … a little light to show us the way and brighten our tomorrows.

At the top, Paradise by Toni Morrison is an unbelievably fabulous book, but it’s been sitting there for awhile because it’s not the kind of book you can just leave off and pick up – you want to really read it. So until I can devote that time again, Toni will wait until I can give her my full attention. She and Paradise deserve that much. The book below represents the third one I’ve been in and out of, trying to find what speaks to me now.

And the winner is …. Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Her first book, Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy was also a winner, and one I’ve read more than once. What Sarah does is speak to the woman in us who is longing to find herself amid the million things that tug at our sleeves, and even amid a life where we have it quite good in so many ways, a life for which we are truly grateful.

But what’s more? What is it that we never quite have the time for in our lives? Our dreamer … our true self who gets buried or abandoned for so many reasons, the woman with whom we’ve lost touch along the way. Sarah brings us back to that self.

In the beginning section, Our Authentic Lives, she tells us, ” ….How many conversations would I not only have started but finished if I had known I possessed a warrior’s heart? I wish I’d known that I’d been born to take on the world; I wouldn’t have run from it for so long, but run to it with open arms.”

It’s hard to argue with that. So here we all are, amidst the hustle and bustle of the holidays, being stretched in every direction from what’s related to them and what’s not, but we needn’t be lost. We can search out and still find that beautiful woman, (or man), who wants to take on the world in the most meaningful and authentic way. Yes, it does take a wee bit of time each day, however we do it, but aren’t we worth it? Right now, my gentle illumination – my reminder to remember me – is in this book. You may find yours elsewhere, but that wee bit of time is yours for the making and taking.

Just as we have so much more love to give when we genuinely love ourselves, we have that much more to give when we have found our true selves and are living the life we are meant to live. We are given today.

Light in the Dark

December 16, 2012December 16, 2012 / still a dreamer / 6 Comments

“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” ~Chinese Proverb

There is something about candlelight … it soothes the soul and gentles the world. Many years ago I was given a pair of Boda crystal ice balls as a gift. To this day, they are one of my favorite ways to enjoy candlelight. They sit on an oak washstand, not far from where I work, and the other afternoon, I turned and noticed the late day sun angling in the open door, lighting them brilliantly. I thought to photograph them in this daytime crystalline sparkle. But then, of course, I had to photograph one later with a lit tealight glowing from within the “ice.”

It’s amazing at times how something so utterly simple – yet beautiful – can catch not just the eye, but something of the spirit. The Boda people really had quite the idea when they designed and created these. They are captivating, truly looking like balls of melting ice.

“There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” ~Edith Wharton

And then there’s the soft glow of a pillar. Most mornings, early, I do my best to journal and/or read something of an inspirational nature before “starting” the day. It doesn’t always work out that way, but I give it my best shot. It’s still dark at that hour, and lately, I’ve taken to lighting a pillar candle on the coffee table/toy chest. It glows softly from within and is ever so calming.

“Keep your flame lit, and you will never feel darkness.” ~J. Parker

As Christmas approaches and as Hannukah, the Festival of Lights, comes to a close … as the Solstice draws near … it is all about light … the light from without and the light within. All celebrate the miracle and wonder of light, in all cultures and religions, throughout time.

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

Enjoy the light, wheresoever you may find it. And be sure to glow your most wonderful, glorious self.

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” ~Evelyn Dunbar

A Moment of Peace

December 12, 2012December 12, 2012 / still a dreamer / 4 Comments

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours…. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

~Henry David Thoreau

A Sense of Wonder

December 7, 2012 / still a dreamer / 2 Comments

Some might also call this a sense of awe. Today, as I’m sure you’re aware, one of the most commonly used word to describe what someone really likes is awesome. I use it myself. But nowadays everything is awesome. When everything is awesome, then really, nothing is awesome.

But semantics aside, how wonderful is it to find that sense of awe, of true wonder, much like a child. It’s a gift. I stumbled across it just the other morning. I was sitting by the front windows journaling and I happened to look up to see a flutter of chickadees and a male cardinal hopping about the porch railing and in and out of an adjacent yew. The chickadees were puffed up to keep warm and quite busy with whatever they were doing.

Without moving, I just watched them, yes, in awe, of their singular beauty. I became aware that I was smiling and just sending that reverential feeling to them. And then they stopped, cardinal included, and looked directly at me. I don’t know quite what a bird can perceive through glass, but I have no doubt that it was my energy that spoke to them. And for brief moments we all seemed as one, just being, time suspended. Now that … was truly awesome. Then time and motion resumed, them hopping, me watching.

I believe we have far too few moments like this in our lives. We are too busy, too fractured, too distracted, but the moments are there, waiting. Ask any child. And all it takes is being still, stopping and looking. Really looking.

Learning History Backwards

December 2, 2012December 2, 2012 / still a dreamer

History seems determined to find me. I haven’t been looking for history, but somehow I am bring coaxed into looking at periods in time of which I know little or nothing, most recently British colonial rule in Kenya in the 50’s. I know. How did that happen? (Well, one look at the photo, and you may know.)

Like the experience of many others in a time past – and perhaps still the present – history was taught in such a way that it was guaranteed to, at the very least, leave no lasting impression, and at the worst, develop in one a real distaste for it. The latter would be me. I dutifully swallowed the dry rattle of names, dates, places and events and dutifully coughed them back up for tests. Not until I got to college and had a brilliant professor who made history truly come alive did I suddenly realize the fascination of history. And by then it seemed too late; I had such a fragile and spotty framework of knowledge on which to hang any new historical insights.

But history seems to be hunting me down through books and/or movies as of late … Afghanistan before and after the Taliban took over through The Kite Runner; the deep South during the Civil Rights movement in The Help; the Civil War period in Oklahoma in what I’m reading now, Paradise, medieval times in Britain in The Last Templar and so on. History isn’t the subject; it’s the backdrop, but it’s impossible to not be drawn into the history of the time period when reading the book or watching the movie.

Most recently it’s The First Grader, a movie set in Kenya in 2003. It’s based on the true story of an 84 year old villager, Maruge, who, when primary education was made available to all, wanted to learn to read. The story is absolutely inspiring. There he sat, having fought repeatedly for his right to do so, with six year olds, five to a desk, learning the alphabet. His rapport with Jane Obinchu, the instructor, and the children is a testament to the spirit of those who believe in something enough to pursue that dream and love doing it in spite of all odds.

What was far more difficult to watch, shown in sporadic flashbacks, was what happened to Maruge in the early 50’s when he was sentenced to a prison camp under British colonial rule. The Mau Mau tribe, whom Maruge had joined, had risen up against the corrupt British but were defeated and captured. To force him to renounce his vow of loyalty, his captors forced him to watch the execution of his wife and children, (this was not shown onscreen), and tortured him brutally. It was hard to not wake up the following morning flooded with sadness as to what has gone so wrong in human beings that they can treat others as they did.

But in the long run, that does not change my recommendation to see this incredibly rich and touching movie. The First Grader was filmed in Kenya, and all the children are actual attendees of one of the schools in the Kenyan bush. Their glowing faces just light up the screen. One little girl named Agnes, seemed mildly deformed and had a severe limp like Maruge. She told him she wanted to go to school so she could be a doctor … and then she could make him better. The children have almost as much impact as Maruge himself. It’s hard not to smile when thinking about this movie, in spite of the reflection of such a terrible time in history.

Maruge became the oldest recorded person in the world to ever attend first grade and drew his own bit of celebrity for his devotion to education. So much so, that he was flown to New York to speak at the UN. Should you watch The First Grader, be sure to watch the short documentary and you will see the real Maruge, Jane Obinchu and others. You will also see how the director worked with the children who had never seen a television or movie. You may be inspired.