Writing

Balance

/ still a dreamer

It has been my thought for a while now to write about balance … it has been a constant source of reflection over the past weeks … months. So while I mused over my subject, I searched for an appropriate photo for this post.

Unfortunately, having the love affair I’ve had with photography most of my life, looking for a photo is something akin to the proverbial child in the candy shop. Or better yet, wandering in the woods. I easily get lost. I searched for a photo by my subject, but the word ‘balance’ didn’t yield what I wanted, so I tried see-saw. Nothing. I tried `edge’ and that brought up images I didn’t expect, (like knives), so I tried `ledge.’ Still nothing. Then I thought of one of the greatest ledges of them all …. the parapets of Notre Dame. And gargoyles. This now became free association at its best.

And so you see the photo I chose, above. This is probably one of the most famous gargoyles in the world; he may even have a name, but I don’t know it. As someone who has been enamored of gargoyles before they became faddish and fairly common garden statuary, I have a few of my own; in particular, I have one of the Notre Dame gargoyles in candlesticks.

I’m in love with this photo. The gargoyle is quietly looking over his beloved city, shrouded in mist … HIS Paris. I look with him. And I contemplate the wonder of it all … the beauty and richness of life and the sometimes pain;  the inescapability of responsibility and the luxury of letting it all go to become steeped in daydreams; being surely anchored in cement and that violent shrug in which we break free and fly.

So yes … balance.

NJ SCBWI June Conference Approaches

/ still a dreamer

Today I was fortunate to find the following quote by Thoreau:

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours. He will put something behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him, or the old laws will be expanded and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense; and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.”

What does this have to do with the upcoming June SCBWI Conference? I find, and have found in years past, that as this wonderful event approaches, many of those attending who will be meeting with agents, editors and/or art directors start moving into a “do or die” mental state. It is as if this opportunity to be critiqued by a professional in the children’s book field is the very last chance on earth to get published. Of course, we know that this isn’t true, but the stress that starts to build up before the conference is enormous.

Yes, there are deadlines to get work in; the manuscript deadline has passed, and the deadlines for intensive attendees may have also. For those if us participating in the juried art show and/or portfolio display, and/or prepping dummies and illustrations,  the heat is on. And writers now start questioning the worthiness of their submitted stories. I struggle, at times, with some of this myself, trying to keep a balance between preparation for the June Conference and the rest of my life, and a perspective on it all.

I want to arrive at the conference serene and confident. How about you?

The quote by Thoreau helped jog it all back in perspective for me. All we can do is our very best. Let’s keep our eyes on our dreams and not get mired down in perfection, a need for approval or to be published this minute, or whatever runs amok through our minds at times like these.

Nothing is stopping us from advancing confidently in the direction of our dreams and endeavoring to live the lives which we have imagined right now. It’s a daily practice, thinking this way, but it sure beats the alternative – becoming mired in baseless fear and crippling stress. Cheers to success! See you at the June Conference!

Rich Beyond Words – The Annual Library Book Sale

/ still a dreamer

“Wouldn’t it be great if the world could be run like a book sale?” A fellow book lover and I chatted and laughed over the metaphysical/self-help section in the armory annex, home to all the non-fiction books organized for purchase. Why not? Helpful, knowledgeable people running the event, happy shoppers roaming the aisles in delight, and fellow book lovers sharing their reading experiences and recommendations with their fellow man, (and woman), while we graze over the 149,000 titles available.

Above, my haul minus one.

It can be a mind-boggling experience for the newbie. One friend, a first-timer, went with nothing particular in mind and became immediately overwhelmed. She only brought home 3 books. The friend I went with – it’s now an annual tradition – had the goal of picking up more good novels to read. She went home with a full tote and a second tote filled with books for her daughter. It’s not uncommon to see people leaving with multiple cartons of books. At $1 for a hardbound and $.50 for a paperback on Sunday, (double that for Saturday), it’s hard not to get a little crazy.

This was my plan – I had a short list of 1) authors I would like to read more of, 2) one specific title, 3) some selections from children’s books at whatever level appealed to me, and 4) surprise me! Oh, and with a peek, of course, in the metaphysical section. How did I make out? Like a bandit.

In the 1) section, I found something by Sue Monk Kidd, Firstlight, Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees, and Anna Quindlen,  A Short Guide to A Happy Life. Check! In 2), I found A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, (which will take me a bit to get to, as I am still kind of blown out from The Kite Runner.) Check! In the 3) group – who could go wrong with another Jerry Spinelli book, (Maniac Magee), and one I saw as a movie when I want something light, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Check! In 4), I picked up a a book by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, an author recommended to me by a fellow writer.

But the main armory, which is crowded with novels of every kind – including best sellers, best-selling authors, mysteries, science fiction, romance, and books made into movies – is where I really found the most, my 3) section.  Some of these are by authors I’m totally unfamiliar with, but the book jackets sold the books; others, I knew of the author or the book and wanted to broaden my reading experience.

So I picked up Snow Falling on Cedars, by David Guterson,  which was made into a movie, an unexpected find from Annie Proulx, That Old Ace in the Hole, because I loved The Shipping News, two books that have been on a list in my computer that I’d forgotten about completely – The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski and The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, several books whose titles just drew me to them – The Last of the Honky Tonk Angels, (Marsha Moyer), World of Pies, (not a cookbook), by Karen Stolz, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison,  and By the Light of My Father’s Smile by Alice Walker. Then a couple best sellers, The Lovely Bones by Alice Siebold and The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards, and a recommendation by a fellow shopper – his favorite by Toni Morrison – Beloved. I picked up The Poe Shadow by Matthew Pearl because The Dante Club was pretty good and I have a friend who also loves Poe, and Henry Beston’s The Outermost House, because it’s been in the back of my mind for some time. Check! Throw in 2 cookbooks that have great recipes and photos to match … and I’m done!

Quite a haul! Have I read everything from last year’s sale? No, not yet, but as every one is a book I want to read, that’s OK, too. All that’s left now is to find a place to put them, toss the totes in the laundry, and figure out where to start. Let the reading begin!

The Kite Runner – Layers of Heartbreak

/ still a dreamer

I am still sitting with The Kite Runner. Not moving onto another book yet, and not really wanting to. That’s how powerful this book is for me.

I feel compelled to write about it, though I wonder what I can say that hasn’t been said a thousand times over. I have no intention of writing a synopsis or the like – this is personal. I can say this … Khaled Hosseini is an outstanding writer – part of the brilliance of this book is that it’s hard to imagine that it is not completely autobiographical, yet I know it is not. I can say that I don’t believe one could read The Kite Runner without easily forgiving Amir for what he felt was his horrific betrayal of Hassan. From the standpoint of an observing adult, Amir’s was the realistically-based fear of a child that he would have suffered the same cruelty as did Hassan at the hands of Assef. Yet Amir bore the burden of failing his friend, and this is a pivotal point around which spins The Kite Runner’s tale.

The relationships between the characters are so beautifully drawn … the tender yet precarious boyhood friendship between Amir and Hassan; the  great need of Amir to please Baba; the much needed acceptance in Amir’s relationship with Rahim Khan, his father’s business partner; his later love with Soraya; and then his overwhelming compassion for Sohrab. I must say, I loved being taken to a land of which I know so little. Despite the telling of its tragedy and violence, it was someplace I’ve never been, and in this, Hosseini artfully painted a picture. The beginning of the story takes place against the backdrop of a beautiful, richly colored Afghanistan, but which is then torn apart and destroyed in the Soviet invasion, followed by the chaos of a civil war, leaving people in the even more cruel hands of the Taliban.

As moving as this story is to me, so artfully woven around the characters and the painful events of their lives, I was almost equally as moved by the devastation of a land, of a life, where people had known happiness. The destruction and poverty which changed all of the characters’ lives forever is, of course, a critical part of the story … broken characters, a broken country. The brutality of man against man – even amongst different sects/classes within the country itself, (Baba and Amir, Pashtun, and Ali and Hassan, Hazara),  eloquently described and tragic beyond words. Thankfully, Hosseini found them.

As mentioned, I know very little about Afghanistan. That part of the world was never a subject of much attention when I was growing up and studying history. The Soviets invaded Afghanistan in the late 70’s followed by 10 years of war. Not long after the Soviet withdrawal, more chaos followed in civil wars within the country and greater world repercussions, but I am no expert here. Different parts of The Kite Runner took place over these periods, and it all brought an immense sadness to me … over man’s relentless quest for power and control over one another, of his endless and shameful inability to respect, if we cannot love, our fellow man.

Yesterday, I went online to learn more about Afghanistan – something to help me better understand The Kite Runner and the events befalling its characters. I looked at maps and traced the routes of the characters to Jalalabad, and at other times to Peshawar and Islamabad in Pakistan. I watched videos where the author spoke about this, his first novel, and his country. He is an insightful, likable and empathic man, trying still to bring attention to the plight of his people who are living in desperate poverty. Some of these videos included the Afghani … they are a very handsome people. I felt much like a child with my eyes just opening to another part of the world which has, up until now, escaped my attention, my consideration. It just got me thinking …

I wondered if the man who pumps gas in the town next to me might be from Afghanistan … did he leave his country at some point as Baba and Amir did … to try and find a better life here? Although Baba and Amir were escaping the Soviet invasion, might this man have left behind the Taliban or some other political pressure of which I know nothing? Considering the deep resentment, and often hatred, this country can have for the West, would he see a question of where he came from as a rude intrusion, or maybe a moment of unexpected friendliness from an American? I am not saying I would, (or would not), ask, but I know The Kite Runner tore open another part of my heart … a part that has more questions, more curiosity, for what I have not known … a part brimming with compassion for the Amirs, the Hassans and the Sohrabs. This is the gift Khaled Hosseini gave to me, and for which I am grateful.

p.s. I have just found that Khaled Hosseini has established his own foundation to help the Afghan people. The Khaled Hosseini Foundation‘s site lists the needs of the people, what the foundation is doing to help, and what you can do to help if you are inspired.

Rambling

/ still a dreamer

I find there are periods of time in which I am all over the place. I’m working on several graphics jobs that call upon very different mindsets, am fielding a proposal to do a new job, wondering when I should follow up on something I am waiting to hear back on, when I’ll get the time, (or desire), to simply pull the remaining paperwork from my files so I can put away all my 2010 tax stuff, and it goes on and on.

I finally used my Barnes & Noble’s gift card from Christmas – bought the reference book I’ll need for some of my characters in the picture book I’ll be bringing with me to the upcoming NJ SCBWI June Conference, and surprise! David Cook’s CD, (yup, from American Idol.) Usually, when I work at my desk, I listen to new age, light classical piano or guitar, or Indian (American) music because I can’t do creative writing when someone is singing lyrics, but lately, when on other types of work, I find myself listening to the radioio IDOLS station in iTunes. Sometimes I watch the show, sometimes not – this year I seem to be interested. I do know, however, when I hear David Cook’s voice, I hear something I like, so he’ll be arriving in a few days. And then I went to read a bit about Patricia Briggs’ latest in the Mercy Thompson series, River Marked, but let’s not go there just yet.

Forrest Gump arrived today. I must be the only person on the planet who hasn’t seen Forrest Gump, but so be it. I, unlike a friend of mine, am a constant juggler of movies in my queue. He just adds something, and when it comes up, it comes up. Not me. I seem to ponder how it will fit in with the current tenor of my life, my feelings, etc. Do I want to laugh? (or need to?) Am in the frame of mind to deal with something powerful and disturbing? I can’t say how many times I have pushed Hotel Rwanda down as it begins to surface in my queue. And I just watched Alice in Wonderland, which I really enjoyed a lot. Makes me think that maybe when I’m done my current book, that I’ll read Alice – she’s a fixture on my bookshelf.

Now watching Alice in Wonderland and Forrest Gump may be an offset to that current book – The Kite Runner. I was told it was a very sad book. I didn’t ask why my friend found it so, so am discovering the many levels of sadness for myself. Certainly, reading a book like this makes it that much more obvious what fabulous, often spoiled, lives we are living here in the land of the free and home of the brave. Visualizing the bombed ruins of Kabul and other parts of Afghanistan and the cruelty of the Taliban as described by the author is sobering to say the least. And it made me think of how that happened here in its own way, except that the victims weren’t Afghani people, they were native Americans.

Imagining the abject poverty the Afghan people were subjected to is heartbreaking, but that same poverty is also right here in America. Many of those living on reservations are living in conditions that are below those of third world countries, yet no one ever talks about it. Or even seems to know. Indians have the highest rate of poverty of any group in the United States.

Years ago at a pow-wow, I saw this great tee shirt. It was funny, well, no – not funny – more ironic. Clever. Ultimately, more sad than anything else. It features Geronimo and several other Indians, the tee shirt saying – Homeland Security – Fighting Terrorism since 1492. Here it is – you can order it at Northern Sun along with many items which have something to say. Was their experience so different than what happened in Afghanistan? Their world destroyed, families killed, homes taken away, forced to live where their terrorists demanded. It was a very dark chapter in American history. I wonder if that history is being taught. Or that this impoverished way of life, so unlike our own, continues on in many parts of this country. Or are we all just too busy?

Well, rambling I am. I also wonder when one of my cats will get past the hairball she seems to be harboring somewhere in her digestive tract, and which she feels compelled to try and push up in the vicinity of 2 – 4 a.m.

And I can’t wait to start photographing my friend’s little boy, my model for the MC in aforementioned picture book. Yeah, just all over.