Love

Walking Jazzy Home

/ still a dreamer / 12 Comments

We walked together for so many years – she, the Princess, and me, her happy minion – until the day when I walked her home. R.I. P. Jazzy – 7/12/24 – a small art treasure in feline form.

There is never a “good time” or a “good way” to lose an animal you love. It’s always awful. I think one of the worst moments is when you come home, and the spot they always sat to welcome you has no one there.

I adopted Jazzy at 3 years old, back in August, 2013, a few weeks after my handsome Claude passed over. She was a featured kitty at my local pet food shop, looking for a home, and she found mine. She had lived with an elderly man, who, I surmised, had not handled her very much. After getting through an adjustment period, she was not the cuddly cat my previous cats had been, albeit adorable.

Over the years that followed, she became increasingly affectionate, though I can say, she was the most dominant cat I have ever had. It was “her way or the highway” in kitty form – a picky eater, wouldn’t use a hooded litter box, and was pretty sure that I should plan meals and any other activities around her whims. Luckily, she was also sweet and charming, and now cuddly.

Perhaps a year or two ago, her glucose was high; we successfully controlled it with a special diet. Then her thyroid became hyperactive – more meds, which she was very cooperative in taking. Things kept moving along pretty well until about 6+ weeks ago, when she began caterwauling one or two times in the middle of the night.

I followed through with all needed lab tests, but they revealed nothing abnormal. Essentially, she was in good health, except somewhere inside her, she wasn’t. This past Friday, 7/12/2024, I noticed Jazzy acting strangely. I rushed her to the vet, and it soon became apparent, there was only going to be one ending to this story.

I am always grateful that I have been able to see something going wrong and to be able to do something about it before it became too late. I am grateful that there has always been a vet to help my animals in their final moments on Earth. I am also always grateful that I have been able to hold my animals in my arms, and help them pass over peacefully, loved until the end. I am grateful for Jazzy, and all the sweetness and light she brought into my life. I don’t think I could ask for more.

Self-Discipline Is Self-Care

/ still a dreamer / 2 Comments

The word ‘deadlines’ has gotten a bad reputation, perhaps because in many circumstances, they are imposed from without. But when we set up our own, deadlines really are a form of self-care.

Without deadlines, we can be at the mercy of our emotions and lose valuable time. Not the kind of deadlines that make us crazy, but reasonable time frames to help us accomplish our goals.

There have been times in my life where I have elevated procrastination to the level of high art. And while I can be very creative in how I avoid facing certain tasks, in the end, it only makes me feel less accomplished and less successful, as they still sit patiently waiting for me.

In my experience, procrastination around my creative work always boils down to fear – fear that it won’t be “good enough”, that I won’t be able to execute what I am envisioning, that I could have done more. There are so many things wrong with those thoughts. The bottom line is that we all still feel better when we do what we need to do.

That’s why looking at deadlines/self-discipline in a different way makes so much more sense. Striving to set and meet goals means loving ourselves more. And not to be trite, but we’re worth it.

I still may struggle at times, but deadlines=loving myself is where I’m headed. How about you?

Still Time for A Love Poem

/ still a dreamer / 6 Comments

We are in February’s final days, but there’s still time to celebrate love. I had somehow never heard of Rabindranath Tagore, the poet, before last year. Here is one of his many beautiful poems about love.

But It Is Love

Your questioning eyes are sad.
They seek to know my meaning as
the moon would fathom the sea.
I have bared my life before your eyes
from end to end, with nothing hidden or held back.
That is why you know me not.

If it were only a gem I could break it into a hundred pieces
and string them into a chain to put on your neck.
If it were only a flower,
round and small and sweet, I could
pluck it from its stem to set it in your hair.

But it is a heart, my beloved.
Where are its shores and its bottom?

You know not the limits of this kingdom,
still you are its queen.
If it were only a moment of pleasure
it would flower in an easy smile,
and you could see it and read it in a moment.
If it were merely a pain it would melt in limpid tears,
reflecting its inmost secret without a word.

But it is love, my beloved.
Its pleasure and pain are boundless,
and endless its wants and wealth.
It is as near to you as your life,
but you can never wholly knowit.

I hope love, beauty, and the gift of wonder have touched you this February.

Tell me your story …

/ still a dreamer / 2 Comments

❤️ Love is all embracing. ❤️

Tell me your story and I’ll show you your bravery. Show me your scars and I will tell you of your beauty. Share with me your suffering and I will bow to your depth. Confide in me your fears and I will honour your strength. You have it all, darling. You have it all inside of you. And your genius shows when you least imagine it. Don’t forsake anything about your soul, your body, your mind, your heart. It is both the light and the darkness that make this world beautiful. Same with you, lovely one. Same with you.
– S.C. Lourie

Thanks to Barb for sharing a post with these beautiful words.

The Spirit of Giving

/ still a dreamer / 10 Comments

If there is one thing that is always true it is that everything always changes. I have had holidays so filled with the presence of people, dogs (when I did rescue), and other animals, that I barely had a minute to myself. And then I’ve had quieter ones, which is where I am now.

In the New Year, I will be losing a decent chunk of my second floor, as it is going to be annexed to the adjoining house next door. I can’t say I’m happy about losing this space, but there have been some unexpected upsides. One is that I am being forced to purge and clear out a good amount of belongings and furniture.

Ultimately, that means clearing out items from every area of the house, including the basement, as I sort what I want and don’t want and find new places for the “good stuff” to go. Several large Christmas boxes have been in the basement, never opened since I moved here – no time, no full-size tree. I’ve had/have furniture that I have no deep attachment to anymore. So why do I have it? I’m used to it being there.

Drawers/closets need to be gone through and sorted to make room for what I’m keeping. But here’s the other upside. I was alerted to a small, hyper-local organization called Buy Nothing that serves only my town and the town adjacent. It is a Facebook site purely for gifting things we don’t want or need that others might use or appreciate. In addition to #gift, you can also #ask if there’s something you are looking for.

Here’s how that’s working. The ornaments were requested by a desperate family who were unable to find what had happened to their own ornaments. When they picked up the box, they left a jar of homemade candied jalapenos in its place. The sheet music was requested by a mom who, along with her husband and son, plays piano and is eager to try some of the classics. The organizer (never used) was requested by several women to help them get 2024 together. And so on.

But what’s particularly lovely is how eager our local residents are to help one another. The beautiful gnome bread above was baked just to give away to someone who would like it. Another baker had sourdough starter to offer, and was rewarded by a photo of the recipient’s first sourdough loaf ever.

This makes a quiet Christmas such a different experience. I will miss the space, but am happy to not have so many things that I no longer need or care about. I sometimes feel a little lonely this year, but I know that I am surrounded by many more caring people than I ever suspected. I believe this is the spirit of love and giving at its best.

Happy Christmas, Hanukah, or whatever holiday you celebrate. May the spirit of love and giving be yours.